Well, wither you do that or not, that was my day.
Except that it didn't turn out as expected, at all. With every hour, every class, every event of the day it went down hill. I tried to keep my attitude up and believe me, I let plenty of things go but all in all today September 23, 2008 the second day of Autumn was a very bad day.
It's 10:34 now which means this day only holds an hour and a half left and I am pretty sure there is nothing left for the world to try and throw my way.
It's only Tuesday and this week has already utterly and completely exhausted me- and my Mom will be here on Friday.
Have you ever felt like you might as well crawl back in bed and just sleep until tomorrow? Again my day, but yet so many things to do and so many procrastinations to come up with.
I try, sometimes I feel like I try so hard it hurts my insides. So many times I plan for perfect and watch my world crumble when I realize that my day as amounted to less than that. Waking up late, eating to much for breakfast, being completly bored in class, not feeling like that run, wanting marshmellows for dinner instead of salad, I give myself so many reasons to get upset. I set myself up. I set myself up to have a bad day.
I try so hard to not place judgement on others, and to not expect too much from people
Why then do I hold myself to this ideal that, I miss everyday.
It seems I have created my own superhero, who ALWAYS has perfect hair, makeup, outfits, never wakes up late- seems to accomplish half her day before 8, loves her class's, thinks running 3 miles is just as great as watching movies and eating popcorn.
Did I mention my superhero looks at least 2 time's as good as any airbrushed model on a magazine, and is ALWAYS positive.
That is the thing with cartoons, they aren't real. They don't need to eat, they never change their clothes. There only worry is saving the unrealistic day where my reality is facing my days with optimism and acceptance for who I am in the moment, not kicking myself for yesterday and not living in the future.
When I flip through the channels and stumble across Nickelodeon or Disney and say I find Spongebob Squarepants... I mean honestly I know that what I am about to watch is absolutely not real. I mean a talking sponge who wears pants?
Come on. I know that these things are not real, but the world that the media is able to create makes an escape from my day to day life.
The thing is it's not a real life they live from Spongebob to Lost, it's not real.
Sometimes I feel like in my desperate search for meaning I loss site of the beauty in the simple things and also in acceptance. The glitter and glam is so much more attractive, so to have it would make me just that. Wrong.
Even on the days where I lose control, on the days I'd rather crawl in bed, even in my bad days I know that someone loves me in my dark and dirty moments.
I don't have to pretend, or wish my life was oh so much more glamours.
I can hate my hair as much as I want. I can cut myself down as much as I please...
I am still loved.
So I might as well shrug it off and keep on keep'n on, tomorrows another day, and tomorrow is filled with thoughts of you.
I acknowledge today, I accept my mistakes, I want to move forward, Tomorrow is a NEW day.
I am Loved, I have all I need to succeed.
